


The Shadows of Illium

by Stonebaer



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Default Shepard (Mass Effect), Drugs, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Illium (Mass Effect), Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 06:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19987549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stonebaer/pseuds/Stonebaer
Summary: Commander Shepard finally goes to Illium where her past lover happens to be. Death and a two-year separation can't be good for any relationship. Do they even still have one? Shepard and Liara find the answer to this question the hard way. This story is set during the events of Mass Effect 2. (Inspired by another work I read long ago and can't remember even where. Something like a remix.)





	1. Not The Perfect Reunion

Their next destination had been set: Illium. Tali’Zorah had just joined the crew and now two more dossiers for potential crew members set them en route to the asari trading paradise. The Assassin and the Justicar were both last reported to be there. Once the ship had docked at Nos Astra the shore party would have to procure further information on the two targets from one of the local information brokers. Simple enough, given the right payment was presented. Cerberus had already taken care of such issues since this suicide mission was very well funded. But this was also where things got complicated. The broker in question had been revealed to be none other than Liara T’Soni, a member of the first Normandy’s crew and – if one was close enough to know – lovers with its commander. Thus, as soon as the ship was headed for Illium a change could be felt in Shepard. Tali and Garrus were the first to notice since they were her closest friends. After waking up from the dead Jane had been thrown right in the middle of the action. She had had no time to think, which was probably for the best given the circumstances, and barely enough to feel. Processing the fact that she had died and then had been resurrected was affecting her seriously. Shepard had moved it to the back of her mind as much as possible, because she knew that facing this problem now would break her. Leaving that aside, things still weren’t easy for her. Her two year absence was the cause for countless other shitstorms in her mind, mostly when she had to interact with old acquaintances. But the biggest one of them all was her asari lover. The commander had no idea of the current state of their relationship and the Illusive Man was as vague as ever when she tried to pry some more information from him. All she knew for sure was that for her nothing had changed, her love for Liara was as strong as ever, stronger even. But what of the asari – her feelings might still be the same, or they could’ve changed much. Two years were a long time and Liara had had to live through them, unlike her lover. And now an almost tangible anxiety had settled over Jane as the Normandy traveled to Illium. She was nervous, lost in brooding and uncharacteristically reclusive. Garrus was worried for her ever since she found him on Omega. He knew that coming to terms with her death was bound to be hard but Shepard was always playing the _“I’m fine”_ card with him whenever he tried to ask about that. “ _Fine” my ass_ he thought if her glowing red scars were any indication. The turian had shared his concern with Tali and the quarian had agreed, having seen the troubles of their friend. But they were unable to do much about it since Shepard had retired to her cabin the moment she had ordered the ship to Illium. And the stupid AI claimed that the commander was not to be disturbed until arrival as per her order, unless in the case of ship wide emergency. Despite that Garrus tried to reach her but access to the captain’s quarters was indeed restricted. He and Tali had a good idea of what was going on up there. But what they didn’t know was that for Jane the coming meeting was holding her verdict – salvation or ruination.

Less than an hour before the Normandy docked at Nos Astra Shepard finally emerged from her cabin. With the absolute minimum of communication she gave her orders for the planet side stay and requested Tali and Garrus for the away team. While the three of them were prepping to leave the ship the two dextros were watching the red haired woman in silence. Her movements were stiff to put it mildly, her stare – empty like an abyss. Once ready Jane turned to face them. She bore a seamless façade with only her tightly clenched jaw giving away the turmoil within. But when she met their gazes Garrus and Tali witnessed barely concealed yet so frail hope and joy in her green eyes. Then with a curt nod Shepard led the way, walking with a strong step towards the unknown and the frightening, the turian and the quarian following naturally at her side.

Once the shore party set foot on Nos Astra’s port they were greeted by a concierge from the get go. The asari, sent to aid them by Liara of course, politely explained key features and activities available in the city and gave them some advice on how things generally happened around here. But once Shepard found that the concierge couldn’t tell her anything specific about Liara, her interest in the conversation evaporated. And Garrus and Tali didn’t fail to notice that she went on with it mechanically, her mind entirely elsewhere. One thing that stayed in the commander’s head was the fact that Liara’s offices were actually pretty close. As soon as the team left the docking bay they found themselves on the trade floor which was buzzing with all kinds of people doing trades, meeting, talking. Garrus and Tali made small talk mostly about the place itself but Shepard remained silent. Until they met a familiar face: Gianna Parasini. Somehow the corporate undercover agent from Noveria had made it all the way here to the asari trading world. The commander seemed glad to see an old acquaintance, especially one that knew not to pry in other people’s affairs. A nice change for her – not having to explain why she was alive or what she was doing and with whom. Even so the airy meeting quickly turned into work. As always the moment Shepard got somewhere she was already running errands, doing favors, getting jobs done. This time at least it ended fast and it was nothing unpleasant. Just like Parasini had said – white collar crime was much cleaner. After a nice chat with Gianna they said their farewells. And suddenly the three companions were at the foot of the stairs leading to T’Soni’s offices. Something rare and very strange happened then. For the first time since Tali and Garrus knew the commander they saw the stoic woman hesitate. The fact still surprised them deeply even if they knew of Jane’s recent troubles concerning her resurrection. The turian and the quarian shared a worried glance then looked at their friend. Then as if they weren’t present at all Shepard took a deep loud breath and without a word started up the stairs. The others followed her silently until at the top the group stopped and was greeted by an asari. She introduced herself as Nyxeris, Liara’s secretary, and informed them briefly about hers and her boss’ work. After that she sent them ahead since apparently they were expected. During the whole encounter with this Nyxeris woman Garrus had an uneasy feeling in his gut. She was talking a bit off, definitely overdoing her admiration for Liara, it was too sleazy and hidden derision was leaking under it. But it was over too soon and the turian couldn’t quite put his finger on her motives. Maybe he was just overreacting and the simple secretary wasn’t that big a threat if at all. A matter for another time, he decided as the door to the office hissed in front of them.

Inside their small group was first greeted by a familiar voice, but it sounded not quite as they remembered.

“Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have. I’ll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I flay you alive. With my mind.”

The asari said the words with an obvious threat, her tone – one of a pissed off femme fatale, quiet like the calm before the storm. The cold that seeped from the statement was enhanced by the fact that the phrase was exactly the same as the one a certain indoctrinated matriarch had hurled at them two years prior. It was disconcerting, although there wasn’t much time to dwell on it. Just moments after they set foot in the room the conversation was over and the asari sharply turned around to face her visitors while exclaiming with surprise and hurry.

“Shepard!” And then to her assistant: “Nyxeris, hold my calls.”

A swift step, then a halt before their hands tenderly touched. Liara sighed with relief and they leaned forward for a kiss with such longing. It was like a breath of fresh air after a suffocating clench and neither of them could hide their want. But it was over too soon. A single kiss could never be enough to compensate all that had been missed, yet it gave Jane hope. That maybe there was still a chance, that what had happened could be overcome. As the two pulled apart the soldier gazed with love at the asari, but Liara shook her head and looked away, thoughts sprinting in her mind. _Goddess, I won’t be able to- She looks at me with such adoration. And I love her just as much. How can I possibly do this to her?! To myself!_ All the while Shepard struggled to understand this reaction as she watched the maiden turn away and walk to her desk.

“My sources said you were alive. But I never believed.” Liara tried to sound as collected as possible, finally getting a grip on herself after that kiss and the storm in her mind. _Is it really her? Cerberus could’ve done anything with her remains, a clone, AI… Can I trust them?_ The rational part of the asari spun its wheels in an internal dialogue. _That’s irrelevant now, T’Soni. You already risked trusting them by giving her body away. -But was it the right choice? It was a horrible deed… -It doesn’t matter! All that is in the past. Now the result of your actions is standing in front of you. -It matters! I have to live with it! What if it’s not the **real** her? I would never be able to forgive myself and neither would Jane. -You are an **asari** , you touched her! You know that’s the **real** Shepard. -And what if she has been changed somehow? -You are the one who’s been changed! You’ve become too bitter, cynical. You pile and pile guilt on yourself because you think there’s no redemption for you. But you haven’t even talked to her yet! Find out if she actually blames you at all! -Fine! But even if she does not, that won’t change the fact that I can’t let her in anymore. -Coward._ She had to keep the distance, for both their sakes. What they had on the SR-1 was beautiful, powerful, all she had ever wanted and imagined. But Shepard had a mission now and any distractions could be deadly. And Liara was just too afraid of being hurt again. She knew it was selfish and would cause much pain, but she simply couldn’t get close with Jane once more, because she knew that losing the soldier a second time would destroy her completely. And that was bound to happen in any relationship they could have. So the maiden had decided to use everything at her disposal to help the commander with the mission, but she herself would remain absolutely professional with the human woman. The silence stretched while Liara made her decision. Finally she concentrated on the outer world again and looked at her guests.

“It is good to see you again.” She simply said. It was the truth, but with so many strings attached.

“It’s good to see you too, Liara.” Jane answered with genuine warmth. There was innocence about her and she gazed at the asari with happy puppy eyes that no one else would ever be privy to. It all made the maiden’s task that much harder.

Of course the first thing Shepard asked was if Liara would join her on the Normandy. The disappointment at the negative response was evident on her face. The conversation quickly veered to business topics, a safe haven from the awkwardness and difficulty of the situation. While they exchanged information about the Assassin and the Justicar the maiden could finally look at the commander’s face freely under the cover of work. There was time to examine it carefully. For the first time since her three old friends entered she really saw how her lover from the past looked after being resurrected. Her eyes glued to the angry red “scars”, maybe it was more accurate to call them cracks, like ones that would appear on artificial skin. They made Shepard seem threatening, but Liara caught the truth behind them. These scars were nothing more but a result, proof of the harsh reality that Jane had died violently. Even so the maiden still found the red-head as handsome and attractive as ever. What worried the asari was the obvious wear and tear evident on the face before her, the grey under the eyes and the lack of energy, the uncharacteristic nervousness and impatience. Could all this be caused only by the physical and psychological ordeals of death? Or was there something more?

Meanwhile Shepard noticed that Liara was studying her. And immediately became self-conscious. _Those fucking scars!_ She looked away uncomfortably, trying in vain to hide the hideous red lines. Usually she didn’t give a damn about the scars, but this was different, this was Liara. _No wonder she backed away from our kiss. She must think me repulsive. A freak of nature hoping for her continued affection._ She laughed bitterly in her head. There was no way the asari could still love her. Was there? Or maybe it was possible, like… _Beauty & the Beast_! Nah, this was no fairy tale.

As the talking went on Jane felt more and more despair. Liara showed nothing but professionalism towards her, yet no feelings what-so-ever. All her fears were quickly coming true. The maiden clearly no longer loved her. Aside from an actual declaration of this truth, everything else pointed to it. Shepard was now more of a Frankenstein **vying** for the asari’s **past** affections rather than supposing she still had them. Yet something continued to flicker deep inside of her – hope that she had misunderstood the cues, that everything was alright and Liara was just unwilling to break decorum at a public place ( _typical_ …). Everything could be back to how it was before, if not for the uneasy feeling Jane had in her gut. And her gut had never lied to her once. So her anxiousness was increasing steadily as time progressed. Until the whole world suddenly fell apart.

Shepard got everything she needed to go after the Assassin and the Justicar, but the conversation didn’t end there. Just when it was time to finish this meeting Liara looked down for a moment, pondering something, before she spoke again.

“Shepard, wait. There is something else I have to tell you.” _It’s now or never, T’Soni. Figure out where she stands on the matter._

“Yeah?” The commander had left her chair and turned to walk away, but at the sound of the asari’s voice she immediately looked back at her with childlike hope written on her face.

“What do you know of your connection to Cerberus?” The maiden had also stood up and went to watch out the panoramic window.

The question was strange, definitely out of the blue. And Jane didn’t know where was Liara going with this. Maybe she had some useful information on the organization that could finally get the commander the upper hand in their dealings. God, she so hated being stuck with this fucking terrorists. So she went along and simply answered truthfully, after all she still trusted the asari, regardless of the state of their relationship.

“All I know is we shut down a bunch of Cerberus’ operations while hunting Saren. Before we could find out more about them I got spaced and the last thing I remember is dying. Then next thing I know is waking up in a Cerberus facility with Cerberus agents running the show. They said they managed to fix me for the last two years. But I have no idea how they got to me. I sure as hell don’t want anything to do with this fucked up terrorist organization but they’re the only ones acting to stop the abductions of human colonists. So now I work with them and it’s much less charming than they drum it up to be.”

With a blank expression Liara turned around to face the awaiting woman.

“Cerberus didn’t get to you. The Shadow Broker did. After the attack on the Normandy he found your body and was going to sell it to the Collectors. I wrestled with his agents a few times until I was able to get you back right before he closed the deal. As to how Cerberus acquired your body after that… It’s because I gave you to them.”

The maiden fell silent, observing the reaction, the emotions that crossed over Shepard’s visage at the revelation. First her brows knitted in confusion, then there was incomprehension mixed with anger. All of this clashed together in Jane’s eyes as she stared at the asari and asked slowly.

“Why?”

“Because they were also the only ones willing to do something, to bring you back to me, rather than simply bury you with honours.”

The commander absolutely did not expect such an answer. _‘Bring you back to me’_? After this whole strictly business conversation, with Liara having been so distanced and cool… It just didn’t make sense that the asari would now say a thing like this. It could mean that the maiden still had feelings for her or at least used to have back then, right after Shepard had died. Had this changed during the course of the last two years, while Liara waited for Jane to wake up? The soldier’s mind was made up – she must be grateful to the asari, but she needs to know the truth as well.

“Well, thank you. If it weren’t for you I would’ve been test material for the Collectors and I wouldn’t be standing here now, alive.”

The moment Liara heard these words a huge internal sigh sounded through her. She hadn’t realized how much tension she had held inside in fear of Shepard hating her for what she had done. Now she felt like her wings could take flight again, without that invisible burden on her shoulders.

In the meantime Jane used the pause to summon all of her courage and ask what really mattered to her.

“You said you gave me to Cerberus because you wanted them to bring me back to you. Please, tell me what this means. Do you… still have feelings for me?” It was out. Now every second stretched into eons and Shepard felt like waiting for her verdict to be declared.

The question hit Liara unprepared. During this whole meeting she had managed to keep the talks in the business topics and skilfully hide her burning love for Jane. She scolded herself mentally because her unrestrained want to be free of guilt had led to the present situation. And the maiden wasn’t sure if she could now stay calm and lie convincingly about her feelings. Regardless, she knew there was no other way but to try, if she wanted to avoid getting heartbroken again. A small voice deep inside her screamed wildly that in doing so she would leave the love of her life heartbroken, yet it was drowned by her fear. So in the end the asari spoke evenly.

“I was devastated after the Normandy was destroyed. My lover had just been taken from me violently. Everyone mourned your loss, I tried to as well. But I couldn’t, I was hurting to much at the time. Then Cerberus offered to bring you back and I, in my desperation, launched at the idea head-first, without even a single thought.”

Liara took a brief break and suddenly Shepard had forgotten her trepidation about whether the maiden still loved her. Instead she was overtaken by a new reality, one she had been deprived of until now – the fact that Liara had been suffering greatly this past couple years. And that she was the cause of this, even if it wasn’t intentional. As all this breached its way into Jane’s mind, the asari went on to finally give her answer to the actual question.

“That was two years ago. I absolutely do not doubt that it was the right decision. You are most needed in these troubled times. And you can positively count on my help for the battles ahead. But… I no longer love you. I am sorry.”

The awful lie scourged Liara from the inside, the words almost strangled her. This was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life and it felt so wrong. But the worst part was watching her beloved literally break in front of her. All the blood drained from Jane’s face upon hearing the asari’s last words and suddenly she had serious trouble breathing. The maiden almost lost her composure when she saw how one of the glowing red scars on the woman’s left cheek extended. The skin at its end visibly tore and the mark gained a whole centimetre in length. The commander’s façade became sorely pinched and an expression of utter shock and hurt was plastered on it. Her brain had effectively stopped, stuck in an endless loop of ‘I no longer love you’-s, and she just stood there like a stump unable to move or speak. Liara, for her part, remained as still as possible, or else she risked lapsing into a full-blown weeping and becoming a gagging mess of apologies and confessions. The tension in the room was raising exponentially and rapidly. The outbreak was inevitable, one of them was bound to crack first. And it was Shepard. Without tearing her gaze from the asari the red-head swallowed roughly, a tortured sound that served as yet another pin in Liara’s heart. Then she briskly spun around and headed for the exit, barely keeping herself from running like an upset child. The maiden’s eyes followed her until they caught a glimpse of something else and she remembered that as much as the situation was horrible it was even worse for they were not alone. Yes, Tali and Garrus were their closest friends, but this exchange was not for anyone to see. And if the way they both looked at her now was any indication, Liara was unsure whether they still considered her a friend. Garrus had shifted his pose and was currently leaning heavily forward, his body uptight with disbelief, his mandibles flickering in shock. Beside him Tali held a similar posture and despite her suit mask there was no mistaking the outrage emanating from her. With a burning stare hurled at the asari, she sharply grabbed the stunned turian and followed her commander out. The door expectedly closed behind them and Liara was left alone in her office. Once she was on her own the maiden came crashing down. Falling in a heap on the floor she trembled and sobbed uncontrollably. She felt emotionally devastated, not to mention conflicted. Why was she hurting so much if everything she did was to protect herself? And to top it all off now she was really guilty for something unforgivable, for breaking Shepard’s heart. The maiden had no idea how much time she spent like this, wailing on the ground. It was only by the Goddess’ mercy that Nyxeris didn’t come to bother her with paltry work, she had no will to pretend or explain her state to the secretary.

Outside Garrus and Tali caught up with their comrade just as the woman was passing the asari assistant.

“Have a pleasant day- …commander.” Nyxeris had stood from her seat and motioned for a slight bow with her words, but the red-head and her urgently following companions didn’t even glance at her. Instead Shepard descended the stairway stiffly. Her eyes stared unseeing in the far wall and she had no perception of Garrus and Tali walking anxiously behind her, mindful of her every motion. On the last stair her feet stamped on the ground one after the other like heavy logs and she halted abruptly. The turian and the quarian almost crashed in her back but managed to stop in time. They remained standing there watching her with worry. Inside her mind Jane was still in lurid shock. She was hopelessly struggling to process the last events that transpired in the office now above her. Liara had stopped loving her. The thought simply couldn’t be registered in her head. How could this be? What had happened? Was it because of Shepard’s death, had it hurt too much? Or had her beloved asari moved on with someone new? Whatever the case the fact remained – Liara no longer loved her. And finally it began sinking. Jane felt sick, blackness rimmed her sight as if she were to faint. In that instant Garrus and Tali saw their friend falter, her body reeled like that of a drunkard. They immediately rushed to keep her from falling.

“Shepard!” Both of them exclaimed.

But before their hands reached her the red-head steadied herself by grabbing the end of the handrail on the adjacent wall. Without turning she briskly raised her free hand in a halting gesture for her teammates. The loud calling of her name had extricated her a bit from her state of stupor. Enough so that she straightened herself and without any warning began marching with fast large steps towards the docking area. Garrus and Tali hurried after her sharing a worried look. The quarian shook her head – now wasn’t the time to talk to Shepard. So the shore party headed to the ship swiftly and in absolute silence. Two comrades following their brooding commander. Later they and other people would notice the rail at the foot of the stairs leading to the T’Soni offices. It was heavily dented, the metal pole had taken in the shape of a human hand. A hand that had squeezed with enough strength to leave its print.


	2. Not The Best Way To Cope

The shore party returned to the Normandy around noon. The ship was ready for orders. But once inside the commander simply moved trough the CIC wordlessly with a blank expression pointed to the ground. The crewmembers watched her expectantly, awaiting her cue. Some of them noticed the turian and the quarian walking side by side several steps behind the red-head. The two were franticly gesturing and whispering to each other like they were arguing about something. When the couple reached the terminal at the foot of the galaxy map they stopped and looked forward. Shepard was right in front of the elevator door still in her own world. Suddenly she turned halfway around and looked at the crew generally.

“Twenty-four hours shore leave. Starting now.” She said with her usual commanding tone, only it sounded a bit absent. Then she entered the elevator and left everyone else with nothing more from her.

Being the ship’s XO Miranda Lawson had to know what information the shore party had gathered regarding the subjects of the dossiers that had led them to Illium. As soon as she heard they were back she went to talk with them. Unfortunately for her she could only find Vakarian and Tali’Zorah and they weren’t eager to speak with her. Laconically they relayed the new info and told her about the commander’s current orders. The Cerberus operative was not pleased to hear about the shore leave to say the least. The Normandy was on a crucial mission, they didn’t have the luxury to delay it unnecessary. The turian and the quarian both threw at her hard stares before stating curtly that those were the CO’s orders which were not up for debate. When Lawson demanded to know where Shepard was she faced another brick wall and was told only that the commander was not to be disturbed, period. The brunette frowned and threw her hands in the air exasperated. She might’ve been able to bring Shepard back from the dead, but she couldn’t manage with the current alive stubborn version of the woman. It was so much more easier when the commander was unconscious on the operating table, the only obstacle then was science and it could most certainly be overcome, unlike Miranda’s present predicament.

Jane had not emerged from her cabin the whole day. Garrus and Tali wanted to give her time after the blow she received earlier but as time passed their worry increased. They eventually tried to get to her, pry her out of the isolated quarters. But they were firmly met by the red lock of the cabin door and the absolute lack of response.

By evening the Normandy was quite empty, most of the crew having gone out to enjoy the brief shore leave at the inviting city of Nos Astra. Garrus and Tali were still aboard, wondering how they could help Shepard when she wouldn’t even let them or anyone else in her quarters. In any case half a day had passed since the meeting with Liara, they needed to at least see Jane to know how she was and if she needed or wanted their help now. So the two were now at the cockpit talking with Joker and definitely monitoring the exit. And indeed not much far into the evening the elevator hummed and soon arrived at the CIC. The commander got out and headed for the hatch lost in thought. She wore a simple baggy white T-shirt and something forgotten by today’s fashion – blue jeans. They were loose around her legs, but not enough to be the wrong size. The pair was just a model for work, hence giving freedom of movement rather than clinging to the leg for allure. And on her feet she had plain black sneakers.

“Hey, commander. Where’re you going with these old boys? Gonna go all lumberjack for tonight? Might wanna get a chequered shirt for the finishing touch. Or are you going for the baggy rapper style? I could consider lending you my hat.” Joker spoke with his merry tone. And as usual Garrus and Tali didn’t understand half the stuff getting out of his chasm for a mouth. Yet Shepard wasn’t amused by his teasing. She paused her slower-than-normal pace and looked at her friends.

“Just going out for a break.” She shrugged and said simply with a low voice, obviously strained from recent (probably forceful and exhausting) activities.

“Maybe we should come with you? No one like your best friends to keep you company, eh?” Garrus suggested while his finger pointed at him, Tali and Joker. Although his voice was airy he was unable to hide the worry in his subharmonics. Good that the others couldn’t read subharmonics, or could they?

“Thanks, but I’ll be fine, Garrus. Just need some time alone.”

“You sure? Okay, then.”

Jane nodded and turned to leave.

“If you change your mind give us a call, we don’t have plans for the night.” The turian hollered the last words at her distancing back.

“Hey, is Shepard okay?” Joker asked when the three of them were alone again.

Tali turned to him and shook her head before saying quietly: “You know the information broker we visited was Liara… It didn’t go well.”

“That bad?”

“Worse. I’m worried. Garrus is, too. But we don’t know how to help, she locked herself in the loft for the entire day after we came back.”

The quarian raised her hand and placed her “chin” in her palm in a brooding gesture. The turian nodded in agreement. Jeff, on the other hand, gained an unbelieving expression which immediately turned into an angry one.

“Well, for starters you don’t leave her to wonder the big city alone at night!” The pilot’s voice gradually raised to a scolding shout.

“Shepard’s not a child, Joker.” Garrus frowned at him.

“No. But when people are lovesick they tend to do stupid stuff. Like… I donno… getting drunk till passing out, or having sex with complete strangers, or getting into fights!” It was rare that Joker got so mad and Garrus and Tali were taken aback. “So, unless we want to find Shepard behind bars in the Police Department, or in a pool of her own blood in a dark alley come morn, we keep an eye on her at all times until she’s in her right mind again!”

Jeff finished his tirade panting. Surely at least Vakarian had had to have seen such things in his time with C-Sec. How could these two be acting so bluntly now, especially when this was about the commander. They were supposed to be her closest friends (with himself and a few others, counted on one hand) for God’s sake!

“You’re right, Joker. We should be watching her six instead of wondering what to do.” The turian seemed guilty but then he got real determined.

“Good. I’ll stay here, in case Shepard comes back. You two hurry up and find her before she does something stupid.”

“We will. Thanks, Jeff.” Tali said as she and Garrus were already moving for the exit.

Once off the ship Jane headed straight for the nearest bar – _Eternity_. Today was by far the worst day of her life… two lives, whatever. She just wanted to forget it ever happened. And since nothing else had worked she figured the only way to do that was to get herself very drunk. So drunk in fact, to the point that she wouldn’t be able to recall her own name much less the day’s events. _Eternity_ wasn’t actually that far from the docks and she got there without even noticing, as she was still wrapt up in heavy thoughts. When she stepped past the entrance inside she looked around. Lots of people were enjoying the services provided by the establishment. Most of the tables were taken by patrons celebrating with drinks in hand, there was even a bachelor party at one end of the salon with an asari striper on the table entertaining her young clientele. All this liveliness boded well for Jane – it was two years since the showdown with Saren and Sovereign, but people still recognized the Hero of the Citadel. And the last thing Shepard needed now was all that attention. She just wanted to be left on her own for a while and there had to be a nice little secluded spot around here for her. Her eyes scanned the place with this target in mind and she found the perfect seat. The bar was surprisingly (or maybe not – it wasn’t long and was unhandy for groups) abandoned and the bartender was always at your disposal there. Jane walked past the other patrons trying to avoid bumping in them and sat at the far end of the bar right next to the wall.

“What can I get you, babe?” A very husky voice asked and she was a bit surprised to see it belong to an asari. At least it was straight to business, she would’ve hated to be talked up all night by an annoying bartender.

“Vodka, double, neat.”

“Starting off straight with the serious stuff, huh.” Shepard simply gave the asari an empty look at that. “Fine by me. Just try not to get all mopey on the bar or I’ll make you clean it yourself.”

With that a nice full glass of vodka was slid across the sleek top to end up in front of its recipient. Jane took it and downed it in one go. It hit like a truck, but that’s exactly what she needed to forget. So she gestured for a refill.

“Love trouble?” The bartender asked and obliged the request. The red-head took the full glass in her hand but didn’t lift it from the bar top. Instead she just gave the asari a weary look. Then she gazed at her drink and finally brought it up. This time she took only a large sip.

“Keep it to yourself, it’s your right. But I’ve been behind the bar since before you were a glint in your father’s eyes. I know when someone drinks to forget.”

Shepard took another sip and didn’t reply. Maybe she had gauged the bartender prematurely. Well, as long as the drinks were coming, and they were for now, she could simply shut the asari off. And get blissfully drunk. Good thing she was already starting to get there.

Time became a funny notion as the vodka kept going down Jane’s throat. _Eternity_ wasn’t getting empty at the least even at this late hour and the buzz and the loud beat of the music enhanced the sensation of losing awareness. Thankfully the barkeep stopped talking to her and kept pouring without any more questions. After a while Shepard wondered why did she start drinking at the first place. Whatever the reason apparently she had thought that the answer was at the bottom of her glass. So she continued to swig, thought it was getting very hard to not spill the liquid _(‘it was vodka, right? yeah…’)_ and find her mouth.

“Hey, kid. I think it’s time for you to quit it or you’ll pass out.” The barkeep said as she saw the red-head struggling to get another sip.

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.” Suddenly, out of thin air, there was a sexy dressed asari sitting next to Jane. “At least not any time soon.” She smiled like a predator that had just caught its prey and eyed the human hungrily. Shepard was none the wiser about this act and was looking at her new companion with confusion. The bartender however saw it.

“Hey, she’s way too drunk. And I know your kind, skulking around waiting to take advantage of some poor idiot.”

“Well, who wouldn’t want to take advantage of this sweet body.” The sexy asari said seductively, absolutely ignoring the barkeep and sweeping her fingers over Jane’s mostly bare bicep. The commander’s reaction was most telling as a thrill passed through her. She looked sheepishly at the woman beside her. But when she examined her appreciatively the memory of a fire burnt slightly behind the drunken veil over her eyes. “And it seems it’s completely mutual, so you have nothing to worry about.”

With the commander willing – no, eager to go with the chick it would raise suspicion if she continued to object. So the bartender grunted dissatisfied but conceded the point. At that the younger asari hopped off her chair and after Shepard stood up too, although dangerously unstable, she pulled her towards one of the back rooms.

“A-ah. Someone’s still gotta pay.” The barkeep stopped them before they could even turn to take one step. The other asari rolled her eyes with annoyance then unceremoniously dug her hand in the pocket of Jane’s pants. The human blushed stupidly while her credit chit was taken out and tossed to the bar. The older asari caught it and watched as the two walked away, the human reeling heavily.

Garrus and Tali left the Normandy in a hurry. The commander went out just a couple minutes ago and couldn’t have gotten very far. Yet looking around they didn’t see her anywhere, so they headed for the nearby trading floor with a swift step. Wherever Jane wanted to go she had to pass through there and maybe they weren’t too late to catch her. When they got to the place it was buzzing with hordes of people, apparently Nos Astra had a very active night life. It was going to be hard to find their friend even if she had that fiery mane that made her stand out almost everywhere. The two split up to cover the floor more quickly. After several minutes of fruitless searching the turian and the quarian reunited near the exit way of T’Soni’s office.

“This is pointless. Even if Shepard was here, she’s long gone by now.” Tali puffed with frustration.

“How could we be so stupid?!” Garrus grizzled beside her. “We are supposed to watch her six, always. And now we can’t even find her!”

“I know, I know. But lets think rationally. Where would she go?”

“I have no idea. What do humans do when they have an emotional crisis? Turians usually look for something to destroy… Maybe she went to a shooting range?”

“Hm, I doubt that. She wasn’t geared for this kind of thing. Casual clothes, remember?” Tali became thoughtful for a second as she observed their current position. “Wait! Maybe she went to Liara, to try and talk with her.”

“You think?”

“You have a better idea?” She asked and the turian shook his head. “Look, even if she isn’t there, it’s still worth a try. Liara’s an information broker now, she might be able to point us in the right direction.”

“Okay, you’re right. If nothing else we could at least get some answers about earlier.”

“That would be nice. Last I remember Liara was crazy in love with Shepard. I’d like to know how that changed.”

“Mhm. But first we have to find our scientist-turned-broker. I doubt T’Soni’s in her office at this hour.”

“I could hack the terminal for the transit hub to look at the traveling history. Lets hope it works.”

Thankfully Tali’s attempt was successful and they got the doctor’s address. It took them just a couple of minutes to get there with a taxi. Good thing that nowadays the service was fully automated, it saved so much time and nerves. The dextros ended up in front of a luxurious building that contradicted what they remembered about their old asari friend. Since when had the awkward archaeologist become vain? Regardless they rang the bell and waited. In a few moments the door opened to reveal a tired looking Liara. She was wearing a night robe and her eyes were very puffy, but it didn’t seem like it was because she had been sleeping. No, the redness in them combined with her leaking nose hinted that she had been crying. When she saw her two visitors she immediately tried to hide her disposition and don a friendly, reliable expression.

“Tali, Garrus. I wasn’t expecting you. Come in.” She smiled and moved to let them through. “What can I do for you?”

The turian and the quarian took a few steps into the room but remained standing with serious expressions, a bit cold even. The asari bit her lower lip slightly, unsure what to expect. Well, not entirely. She had an idea as to the purpose of this late visit, but she hoped she was wrong.

“We are here about Shepard.” Garrus said evenly.

Nope, she had guessed correctly, much to her chagrin. She had no wish to talk about that now.

“Is this about your mission? If I can help in any other way, just say the word.” She played the ‘dumb’ card.

“No, it’s about Shepard, _specifically_.” The turian could barely hide his irritation. “Cut the crap, Liara. You know exactly why we’re here.”

The maiden sighed heavily and her posture slacked in resignation.

“Don’t tell us you didn’t expect any reaction after that display earlier today.” Tali spoke with anger for the first time since the others knew her. “How could you say such a thing to Shepard?!”

The asari breathed in but Garrus didn’t give her a chance to answer.

“Is it true? You no longer love her?” He asked coolly.

“Yes.” Even all her might wasn’t enough to completely hide her nervousness and make her sound convincing. And it had a price, for her friends knew her well.

“Do you really think we’d believe that?” The quarian questioned with incredibility. “If you stopped loving her then why do you look so heartbroken now that you have rejected her?”

“Wait. Is that part of Shepard’s old armour?” The turian was gazing to the side at a big glass showcase, an actual showcase that put on display a piece of heavily damaged N7 armour. Liara could only nod silently.

“You even have her broken chest plate in your apartment!” Tali continued her scolding.

“Tali’s right, Liara. It’s obvious you’ve been crying quite a lot these past few hours. You wouldn’t be so devastated if Shepard meant nothing to you. So tell us. What’s going on?” The ire in Garrus’ voice had given way to concern after he saw the showcase. Why was Liara lying about her feelings? There had to be an explanation. The asari he knew would need a damn good reason to hurt Jane and herself like that.

“What do you want me to say, Garrus?!” She exclaimed trembling and unable to hold her tears back.

“The truth.” Tali simply said, urging but no longer chiding.

The maiden took a shaky breath.

“She means everything to me.” She whispered and her face contorted with her sobs. Unexpectedly the confession lifted a burden off her shoulders that had settled there without her knowledge. The tears still came, though. At least her guests gave her some time to calm. They just waited, yet their faces had lost the initial coldness with which they first showed on her doorstep.

“Then why all this? Why the lies?” The turian finally broke the silence with a low voice.

Liara brushed the tears away lightly and moved slowly across the spacy room until she stood in front of the showcase. Her hand touched the glass gently. Garrus and Tali turned in her direction and could see from the side the deep longing in her gaze which rested on the broken armour.

“I was too afraid. I still am.” She gave her reply at last.

“Of what?” The two dextros asked in unison.

“Of being hurt again.” The asari’s head twisted away from the case with a painful scowl. “I fell apart after she… died. Cerberus gave me hope, a goal to find her and I managed to pick the pieces and put myself back together, if only roughly so. If I allow us to get close again and lose her a second time, then I will break completely, irreversibly.”

The atmosphere became even more gloomy with the heavy words. The turian and the quarian looked at each other meaningfully. Yes, they were definitely thinking the same thing. But before one of them could tell Liara of her wrong reasoning, she continued.

“Also, I was afraid that Jane would hate me, what I have become, what I have done. I have changed in the past two years, I am not sure if I am still the shy archaeologist she fell in love with. To my surprise she forgave me for my most dire crime – putting her in Cerberus’ clutches.” A mirthless laugh escaped her yet it only added to her thorough apathy. “But it doesn’t matter now. As gracious as she can be I know Shepard can’t forgive what I did to her today. No one can, no one should. And this must be for the best, for both of us.”

Everything was out in the open now and Garrus and Tali finally understood. It was clear that Liara had resigned herself to the guilt. In her suffering she had made a mistake, but maybe it was not too late to mend it.

“Don’t you see, Liara?” The turian asked intensely and the maiden turned to face him. “Yes, it took two whole years, but Shepard returned to you. You have her once more. Yet you pushed her away today. You are _making_ yourself lose her again! And as you said you are breaking because of this right now.”

The words were harsh, but weren’t meant to hurt, only to open Liara’s eyes for the reality. And they did, for the asari gained a most appalling expression at the realization. Her hand shot up and covered her mouth as her eyes watered under the frown of pain. She turned away from her friends then in a moment or two her hand dropped boneless by her side and she barely uttered through the shock.

“What have I done?” The maiden took a couple stiff steps towards the nearby sofa. Just as she reached it she reeled heavily, but in the last instant her hand supported her on the backrest of the sofa with a deathly grip. Trembling whole she slowly lowered herself on the couch. “Goddess, how could I have been so blind?!”

Tali approached Liara followed by Garrus. She sat next to her and put a steadying hand on her shoulder.

“It’s not too late. You can still mend this if you just tell Shepard the truth. I know she can understand.” The quarian’s voice was calming.

“You… No. I don’t deserve her generosity.” The maiden said bitterly.

“And what of Shepard? Doesn’t _she_ deserve the truth?” The turian asked pointedly. Tali may have lost her initial ire in favour of her natural kindness, but Garrus was another matter. His loyalty to the commander was unrivalled and he would always defend her.

“You are right. I am being selfish.” Liara’s head drooped. “I am sorry.”

“It’s not us you need to apologize to.” Tali spoke softly.

“I know.” The asari brushed her tears once more and stood up with determination. “Lets go. I will come with you to the Normandy and talk with Shepard right away.”

She moved to get going but Garrus caught her by the arm carefully. She looked at him questioningly.

“After we returned to the ship from meeting with you Shepard declared a shore leave and locked herself in the loft for the rest of the day. Less than an hour ago she finally came down and told us she was going out, said she needed some time alone. In her state only the spirits know what stupid things she might do, so we went after her. But we couldn’t find her. Tali thought you might be able to help us and here we are.”

“Of course… She is hurt… Uh, what have I done!” Liara exclaimed, this time fuming with anger aimed at herself. The turian had released her arm at some point and now she spun around briskly, grabbing her head with her hands in exasperation.

“Think, Liara! You’re an information broker now. Finding people is part of your job.” Tali urged her.

The maiden sighed heavily and dropped her hands.

“Okay, okay… Come.”

With a few fast steps she went to her desk followed by her guests and turned the terminal on.

“Lets see… I can maybe get access to some security feeds around Nos Astra.”

Liara took a seat in front of the monitor, a slight crease between her brow markings from concentration.

“Try the footage from the trading floor an hour ago. Shepard must’ve passed through there after she left the ship.” Garrus supplied.

With a few commands a recording of the cramped trading floor appeared on screen. The asari hit the fast forward waiting for the distinguishable red hair to stand out in the crowd. Seconds later it flashed in the corner of the image and she hit ‘pause’. The three of them examined the figure – it was definitely the commander, no two ways about it. She pressed ‘play’ and the video resumed in normal speed. With an uncharacteristically flaccid posture Jane walked towards one of the exit ways, lost in her brooding. Almost at the edge of the camera view a bearish turian bumped into her, but she barely noticed. Then she disappeared in her direction.

“ _Eternity_ is that way. A bar.” Liara whispered.

“Can you access their feeds?” Tali asked, a bit of tension returning to her.

“Yes. It is a central spot for many happenings worth knowing. Early on I secured a reliable connection to their live footage. It has been a great source of information.” It was amazing how efficiently the asari worked, even when under much distress. Even when it was about her lover, or maybe because of it. Regardless, in a few moments the screen changed to show the camera overlooking _Eternity’s_ main saloon in real time. A quick perusing revealed Shepard to be siting at the very end of the bar, hunched over a half-empty glass. The three of them watched as she struggled to take a sip with her vigorously shaking hand.

“Keelah…” The quarian whispered with dismay.

On the terminal they saw the bartender approaching Jane and talking to her. A moment later a sexy asari appeared and sat next to the human. Words were being exchanged between the three, but mostly between the new asari and the barkeep. It was clear as day that the commander wasn’t lucid. During this the chick began to caress Shepard’s arm looking at her seductively. At the scene Liara clenched her jaw, a low growl marring her silent fuming. Things were happening fast as the smug asari stood up, followed by the lurching red-head then began pulling her somewhere. But they were stopped by the barkeep calling after them. Liara, Garrus and Tali observed as the sexy chick made an annoyed expression then blatantly thrust her hand in Jane’s pocket to fish out a credit chit and toss it at the bartender. The way the asari was touching the human was so lewd and possessive, rudely invading personal space. But Shepard’s only reaction was to blush furiously, more than she was already reddened by the plenty of alcohol in her system. The three friends didn’t like the interaction one bit, but what else could they expect? Putting aside the commander’s inebriation this was a pretty common situation. All sorts of people were ready and eager to throw themselves at the Hero of the Citadel the moment they were near her. Even without her accomplishments Shepard was like a magnet for others, with her striking looks and confident behaviour. These among other things were what drew Liara to the human woman way back when they first met. And it was the maiden who had won Jane’s love and loved her in return, not somebody else and certainly not that asari bitch currently with her.

“That’s it. We’re going there.” Liara abruptly stood ramrod straight, fire burning in her eyes. Without any more delay she headed for the door, Garrus and Tali hurrying behind her. She had a point to make – no one was touching her Shepard like _that_. Except her. Suddenly a thought crossed her mind – do _I_ still have that right myself? With a slight shake of her head she dismissed the question and continued forward. There was no time for doubt. Even if Jane didn’t want to be with her again right now she was completely drunk and the maiden couldn’t let someone take advantage of the human. Their relationship could be discussed after this imminent unpleasant, potentially dangerous accident was avoided.

With Liara very much in frenzy it took less than five minutes to get from her apartment to _Eternity_. Apparently transport wasn’t an issue for her as an influential information broker. Garrus and Tali could only tag along for the ride with apprehensive silence. So the trio entered the establishment still welcoming quite a few people. The maiden halted briefly to look around, but when her eagle stare wasn’t satisfied she purposefully marched through the salon and to the bar. Her stark appearance was enough to get the barkeep’s full attention. The serving asari gave the newcomers a raised brow but then continued to wipe the glass in her hand.

“What can I get you, fellas? I’m sure there’s a free table around here or you can sit on the bar if you-“

“There was a human woman drinking here just minutes ago. Where did she go?” Liara interrupted her impatiently.

“You’ll have to be more precise-“

“Tall, muscular, short red hair. She was sitting right there the whole evening.” Liara explained irefully and with impetuous gestures. “Another asari came and took her somewhere! Tell me where!”

“Sheesh, calm down, kid.” The barkeep said and got an even angrier glare from the maiden. Raising her hands in surrender she told her. “They went to one of the backrooms. …Right, I’ll show you the way.”

The bartender quickly left the glass and rounded the bar. At the looks of the trio she didn’t waste any more time and led them to said room. When they reached it the door was locked.

“It’s in private mode.” The barkeep stated.

“I don’t care. Unlock it.” The maiden was insistent. And the turian and the quarian with her seemed to be firmly by her side.

“Okay. But don’t be surprised if there’s a naked ass in the air.”

Liara had a sudden savage urge to maul the mouthy bartender. Yet before she could do anything the door slid open and she found herself standing right at the entrance, a scene unravelling before her widening eyes. Though there were no bare backsides on display, something even worse greeted her and she could only stand there staring in shock for the first few moments. The room was small and dimly lit, equipped strictly purposefully. Thus there was just a single bed for two in the middle with adjacent nightstands on either side. The bed was currently occupied by Shepard and a young lascivious asari. Both were still clothed, with the former sprawled on her back and the latter sitting atop the human’s hips with bent legs on each side. Jane’s left arm was lifted over her head and the wrist was tied with rope to the bedpost. Her right arm was sluggishly roaming beside her. The asari above her had just disposed of a small glass vial after pouring its contents in the red-head’s mouth. Licking her lips she eyed her prey ravenously. The woman underneath her was breathing rapidly and shallowly with obvious difficulty, her face was very reddish and sweat was richly running down her temples. Her eyes were halfway closed and it was evident that she was heavily intoxicated and completely oblivious to the surroundings.

“Aren’t you sweet…” The chick hummed smugly, unaware of the bystanders. She too was inebriated, albeit nowhere near the point of losing consciousness as was the red-head. Possessively she began to slide her hands back and forth along Jane’s ribcage scratching with fingers over the white T-shirt. This act was the first to get some reaction from the human who tried to resist futilely. But her body was nigh unresponsive and she only managed to utter barely.

“No… Stop… I… Liara…”

The young asari straddling her paid no mind to her pleading. Instead she leaned forward with the intention to start kissing somewhere, but she never got the chance.

Hearing Shepard’s weak words snapped Liara out of her shock. Even in this piteous state the red-head was thinking of her and remained faithful to her. Righteous fury overcame the maiden and in the same instant her biotics threw the vile asari across the room with full force. The hooker’s limp body hit the wall and slumped to the floor.

“Jane!” Liara rushed to the bed and bent over the lying human. Her hand tenderly caressed a feverish red cheek. Yet Shepard didn’t react to her and only wiggled unwittingly, her breathing still laboured. Panic coursed through the maiden. “Jane, answer me, please!” She turned to her companions franticly. “She’s burning.”

Behind the couple the barkeep moved around the room and picked the glass vial from the ground. Smelling it she made a disgusted grimace and hissed. Everyone else, except the human, looked at her for explanation.

“Shit.” She dropped the offending object and quickly moved to the bed.

“What?” Garrus and Tali both stepped further into the room with concern.

“The bitch gave her liquid hallex.” The bartender answered hastily. In the meantime Liara worked to untie Jane’s hand. “Quickly turn her on her side.”

“What’s hallex?” The turian asked.

“A very strong hallucinogenic drug from Omega. Usually pills. It’s a lot harder but you can find it in liquid form – way more potent. This stuff’s banned even here, which tells you something.” The barkeep explained.

On the bed Shepard was still in stupor and struggling to breathe. Liara watched her with rising terror and spoke with desperation.

“What is happening?”

“Combine the liquid hallex with the amount of alcohol in her system and your human is suffering from the worst possible case of alcohol and drug poisoning. Every junky knows not to mix these two substances. It’s a miracle she’s not already dead.”

“No! We have to help her. What do we do?” The maiden was wild with worry.

“Keep her awake at all costs. I’ll be right back.”

“But, wait!” Tali tried to stop the older asari but she was already stepping through the door. Liara was kneeling in front of Jane, fondling her and talking to her urgently. The turian and the quarian joined her.

“Have to… Liara…” The red-head rambled again and tried to stir but gentle blue hands kept her on her side.

“Hey, hey, Shepard, Liara’s right here. Just keep it together.” Garrus had never seen the commander in such a state before, neither had Tali, and they both were distraught and worried about what to do to help.

“What was this bosh’tet thinking, giving this drug to a drunk person. Was she trying to kill her?” Tali thought out loud with anger.

“Doubtful. That harlot was juiced pretty good too. I bet she just dropped her inhibitions, didn’t give a damn about the consequences.” Vakarian replied bitterly.

Then, as promised, the barkeep returned swiftly, carrying a glass of water.

“Get her to sit. We have to take her to the bathroom.”

Liara and Garrus moved Shepard in a sitting position on the bed. The older asari handed the glass to the maiden.

“First get some water into her. It should help.”

T’Soni took the glass and carefully brought it to Jane’s lips. With one hand she held the human’s head steady and gave her to drink. But the red-head was barely conscious, not to mention responsive. She couldn’t control her body nor her mind, let alone swallow. Instead she choked on the liquid and it splattered out of her mouth.

“Crap. She’s worse than I thought.” The bartender cursed. “Quickly, get her up.”

Garrus and Liara settled on either side of Jane and put her arms over their shoulders. Grunting they lifted her. She was heavier than she looked and it was even harder since she wasn’t standing on her legs in the slightest and they practically had to drag her. Hastily they followed the older asari towards the bathroom with Tali in toll.

Passing through the salon the group found it empty. It appeared their host had taken care of it while they waited in the backroom. Soon they were in the restroom.

“Hurry, we have to make her throw up.” The barkeep directed them to the nearest stall. Garrus removed himself from under Shepard and helped Liara ease her off to the ground.

“What? How are we going to do this?” Tali was confused. Human biology was so alien to her even after serving on a human vessel for so long.

“You don’t worry about that. Better take some towels and damp them.” The older asari instructed then tossed something small to Liara. “Wave it under her nose. It should do the trick.”

The maiden, barely keeping equanimity, kneeled behind the red-head and embraced her from the back – one hand over her midriff and the other, after presenting the piece to her to smell it, moved to her forehead. When Jane took an intake from the odour she immediately grimaced and began sneezing and choking. Liara carefully bent her over the toilet and she gurgled with her vomit. The human strained with the unpleasant act of emptying an already void stomach. During the whole thing the young asari held her tight and it seemed to start calming her at some point. Soon it was over and Shepard slumped in her beloved’s arms.

“Hey, you, the quarian, yeah. Pass those towels here.” The bartender definitely didn’t mince words.

“It’s Tali.” She grunted offended but did as asked. From hand to hand the wet towel reached Liara who delicately wiped Jane’s face clean with it. Once finished the asari turned around slightly to return the towel and question.

“What now?”

“We should probably get her somewhere to rest… if the danger is passed?” Garrus looked at the older asari with tension. But she nodded affirmatively and he and his friends felt a load lifting from them.

“That’d be best. Her system should be able to handle what’s left inside. Just have to keep her well hydrated.”

While they exchanged words Liara’s hold on the red-head had slacked a bit and now the human was trembling strongly with palpable cold fever and started to hyperventilate again.

“Hey, pay attention!” The barkeep barked at the maiden who immediately pulled Jane back into a tight embrace. She gave her a light kiss on the temple and caressed her forehead. As if by magic Shepard calmed down instantly and her breathing returned to normal. Liara’s touch was the only thing that could calm her when she was beyond her own control back on the first Normandy and it seemed that hadn’t changed. Seeing this Garrus remembered one particular time when an ensign had insulted the maiden in the mess in front of the commander. Fury had overtaken Shepard at his words, much like a krogan in a blood rage she had tackled him to the ground and nearly crushed his face with her bare fists. Only Liara’s gentle hand on her shoulder and her brief whisper in her ear made the commander stop. The crew had learned two things that day: one – Shepard was the perfect soldier, you absolutely did not want to mess with the very best of all Special Forces and two – the young asari archaeologist since recently on the ship was the only one who held any power over their war machine for a commander. Back in reality the turian smiled at the memory and how true to life it still was.

In the meantime Liara let herself fall slowly. Her back reclined against the wall and Shepard cradled in her arms, head settled under her chin. In a brief moment of lucidity the red-head looked up at the maiden’s caring face which was smiling slightly at her.

“Liara…” She uttered barely a whisper and her heavy still shaking hand slowly rose in search of contact.

“I am here, my love.” The asari’s voice was like a balm for her and Jane felt completely calm. Finally her fingers found a blue cheek and managed to fondle it lightly. She smiled weakly then her hand slumped and her eyes closed with deep slumber.

“Okay, time to move.” The bartender broke the moment of silence which had lost all the pressed tension of the situation until now.

“Right. Your place is closest, Liara… you don’t mind, I suppose…” Garrus fidgeted in front of the entangled couple on the ground. The maiden shook her head then looked at their host.

“Thank you.” Sincere gratitude emanated from her.

“Ah, don’t mention it, kid. Couldn’t leave your human there dying at my bar. It’d be bad for business.”

Liara’s lips chipped up a bit and she returned her gaze at the sleeping red-head in her arms, raising a hand to brush a single lock away from the rosy forehead.

With the help of Garrus and Tali the young asari was able to carry Shepard out of the bar. They carefully got her in the car and before long were parking in front of the apartment building. The trio then took the unconscious human in and within a few minutes she was tucked under a warm blanket on Liara’s bed. The turian and the quarian were waiting in the vestibule for the maiden who was making sure that Jane was alright as they settled her. Before long she re-joined them.

“Thank you for everything. Both of you.”

“Well, that’s what friends are for.” Tali said softly.

“If it were not for you, I would be still wallowing in my own fallacious reasoning. You opened my eyes and hopefully this evening’s events would stay the only consequences of my mistake.”

“You have to talk to the commander once she wakes up.” Garrus had dropped his open hostility towards the asari but still didn’t give her his usual friendly demeanour.

“I know. It is not over yet and I fully intend to own what I did. But I want to apologize to the two of you as well. Jane is like a sister to both of you and hurting her hurts you too. I am sorry for the pain I caused.” Liara looked up to Garrus.

“What you did was… *sigh*. But if Shepard forgives you then so will I.” He gave her a little smile in appreciation.

“I will talk to her and try to make amends. I promise.” The maiden told him. After all she wanted to reconcile with Jane more than anything.

A bit of an awkward silence fell briefly as the three of them fidgeted in the large room after the ‘deep’ talk ended. Finally the asari thought of something to brake it.

“There is only the one bed. But the two of you could use the couches for the night.”

“What about you-“ The turian started to ask yet the quarian shoved an elbow in his ribs. “Ow!”

“No need for that, Liara. We have to go back to the Normandy anyway. The others have to be worried with no word on the commander for so long.” She began pushing Vakarian towards the front door, ignoring his protests.

“Thank you.” The maiden whispered to her with appreciation while seeing them out. So that there was no doubt that the provided privacy was welcomed. The door closed behind her two friends and with that she was left alone with Shepard in the apartment. This time no battle was waged in her mind as she ascended the stairs to the bedroom and with a smile settled on the empty side of the bed to watch over her slumbering beloved.


	3. Not The Worst Ending

The rest of the night passed calmly. It was the first time after being brought back that Jane didn’t dream of something awful and didn’t woke up hyperventilating and drenched in sweat. Waking up late in the next morning the last thing she remembered was drinking at a bar. Maybe the alcohol was responsible for her peaceful sleep, she wasn’t sure… But it definitely was responsible for her developing headache. She moved around in the bed trying to get a hold of her surroundings. Maaan… how much did she drink last night? It wasn’t her first time getting shit-faced but it was certainly the first time she felt so sluggish afterward, like being crushed under a road roller. With no memory of recent events she looked around and wasn’t that surprised to find herself in an unfamiliar place. _Great work, Jane! Get yourself wasted and end up God knows where. Just great…_ She puffed, angry at herself. Yet the room she was in reminded her of something, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Finally she got out of the bed and took a good look at herself to scour for any damage probably caused during her bacchanal adventures. Thankfully there was nothing of the sort at first glance, but the fact that she was undressed down to her plain undergarments didn’t sit well with her. Hopefully nothing too… uncivilized had transpired. Lifting her head from her body she caught a glimpse of her own cloths neatly set aside on a nearby chair. She put them on hastily trying to keep the noise down to a minimum. The situation was too precarious to allow herself not to be cautious and her soldier instincts had kicked in. The only downside was that she was absolutely unarmed and there was nothing that could serve as a makeshift weapon in the bedroom. But well, she was a trained soldier, and not just any soldier but Special Forces, weapon or no she could handle anything thrown her way. Prepared she carefully headed down the stairs into the rest of the apartment.

Liara was in her small office space behind the staircase when she noticed a moving shadow. She turned and saw Jane guardedly descending from the bedroom. Standing up quietly she waited until the human reached the vestibule before calling out softly.

“Shepard.”

The red-head twisted in her direction lightning-fast, but when she saw the asari she immediately dropped her sneaking stance and gained a confused expression.

“Liara! What are you doing here?” She asked stunned, all kinds of thoughts running in her mind, none of which made any sense to explain the situation.

“Well, this _is_ my apartment.” The maiden answered lightly.

“Your…” Jane recoiled sheepishly and looked down. Nervousness overtook her. Most everything came back to her and she remembered why she was drinking last night. And now she wanted to forget it again. _Of course you’re in **her** apartment… bonehead! You got drunk and acted predictably stupid. Ugh.. Queen of the girl scouts my ass, more like queen of awkwardness. _Why did she have to make an already unpleasant situation even more torturous? Sighing heavily she gazed apologetically yet seriously at Liara. “Look, I’m sorry about this. I have no idea how I got here, I was drunk. I know it was a mistake. And I got the message the first time, you don’t have to repeat yourself. This won’t happen again.” Shepard lowered her head to the ground and her sight wondered around the room while she raised a hand to rub her neck uncomfortably. “So, I’m going now.”

As the human looked for the front door the maiden swiftly moved closer to her.

“Wait!”

Shepard turned pretty eagerly.

“Yeah?”

Liara looked up to Jane, regret written on her face.

“I am so sorry! So, so sorry…” She couldn’t hold her sobs and tears back as she collapsed on her knees.

“Liara!” The red-head instantly tried to hold her from falling but the asari clearly had no will to stand upright. So the human lowered herself in front of her and gently steadied her by the arms. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Genuine worry was laced in her voice and her features.

“How could I be so evil?!” The maiden wailed shaking her head with fury.

“You’re not evil.” Came the immediate reply.

“But I hurt you! And I did it on purpose! And I just stood and watched how it nearly broke you… the woman I _love_ …” She finally gazed at her beloved with teary eyes.

“Love…? But…” Shepard was surprised by the statement, even more confused than before. These were the last words she expected to hear.

“I lied to you! I never stopped loving you these past two years and now you are back and I still love you, even more so…” The asari whispered then her head slumped and she sobbed again.

“I’m still dreaming…” Jane said incredulously. She rubbed her eyes but the picture remained the same – Liara crying in her arms. So she pinched her bicep, hard, yet again nothing changed.

“You are not dreaming.” The maiden managed to subdue her sobs, though her head stayed bowed.

A fair skinned hand lightly touched her chin and made her gaze right into distraught green eyes.

“Why?”

“I was too afraid, terrified… That… if I let you too close once more… I would not survive losing you again.” Liara barely uttered. Then suddenly she twisted her head away, unable to look into Shepard’s forest eyes anymore, and screamed agonizingly. “But I was wrong!. I rejected you and _made_ myself lose you! And the pain was doubled because you suffered too!” She slumped even more after her outburst, if that was even possible at this point, and continued in whispers. “For a second time I realize that I can’t live without you. Huh, how foolish of me. And now I find myself asking for your forgiveness, even though I do not deserve it.”

Unexpectedly for the maiden her head was gently but swiftly turned by a hand on her cheek and she was suddenly being kissed. The kiss was searing, desperate, powerful, loaded with myriad of emotions. Her blue lips couldn’t resist and she didn’t want them to. Two tongues clashed, saying everything without forming a single word.

The two reuniting lovers were lost in each other and completely missed the front door opening to let in Garrus Vakarian, Tali’Zorah and Karin Chakwas. The three newcomers were talking among themselves, but as soon as they saw the kneeling couple in the middle of the vestibule they quieted and stared unbelieving. In a moment Jane had to come up for air and broke the kiss, lowering her head in the nook of Liara’s neck and shoulder. She nuzzled there inhaling deeply the sweetest scent while the asari’s fingers tangled in her fiery hair.

“You’re my air, my heartbeat. You’re my everything, Liara.” Shepard pulled back to look at her beauty with adoration. “I love you.”

The maiden blushed and it warmed the red-head’s heart. She raised a hand to fondle a wet blue cheek. There was her sweet innocent archaeologist, hidden until now under tons of grief, but untainted by all the suffering, pure. This young asari was what kept her going forward, the sole reason she prevailed, never to give up even in the darkest moments. And it was her that illuminated the human’s world and brought true happiness in it.

“Well, I see the storm has passed, unless I was misled by our dextro crew members to expect one.” The voice of the Normandy’s head physician startled Shepard who turned sharply to look back, defensive instinct making her shield Liara with her body before she reined it in faced with her close friends.

“Dr. Chakwas.” Jane stood up, glancing at the three guests before looking back down at the maiden. Effortlessly coming into habit she offered a hand to the still kneeling asari and helped her rise gracefully. Liara smiled softly. Always so gentlemanlike, her Shepard hadn’t changed, despite her previous fears.

“So… the two of you…? I mean, did you talk? There are no bad feelings?” Garrus was so perturbed, it bordered on hilarious. But it was obvious what he really wanted to know, the ever stead-fast friend he was to the commander, always guarding her six. And Liara was grateful for that to him, even when she was the enemy. No, _especially_ when she was the enemy, because Jane loved her so much that she wouldn’t understand or react properly even when the asari was hurting her. The turian’s level-headed reactions about their relationship were what kept the maiden grounded to reality and restrained her when she was unwillingly about to hurt her mate. Or, Goddess forbid, willingly like the present situation. Hopefully there won’t be a second time, Liara would make sure of it with Garrus’ help.

Jane could tell that Vakarian wanted to know if she had given forgiveness to the maiden. True, it had hurt, the lie, but now that she knew Liara hadn’t stopped loving her Shepard could breathe once more, the world spun again. Of course she had forgiven, she hadn’t even blamed her. What’s more, now she also understood. Both of them had suffered from their untimely cruel separation. And the asari had had to live with the consequences for the past two years. Her mistake was born out of pain, not wickedness. Besides Jane would do everything for her beloved, who only had to ask, no second thoughts. So, to answer the turian’s question the commander turned to face Liara. She gently took her blue hand in both of hers and raised it to kiss the back of it softly. Then with her head still bowed and her mouth lifted barely an inch from the lovely skin Shepard gazed up at the maiden’s sapphire orbs and whispered with a smile.

“No bad feelings.”

The young asari blushed again. Then finally Jane turned her attention to her friends and rubbed her neck with puzzlement.

“What are you guys doing here, anyway?”

“Well, we left you here last night. But you probably don’t remember. We were worried for you after we found you half-dead _again_. So here we are with Dr. Chakwas.” Tali explained with a little humour what seemed to be a grim situation in the red-head’s eyes. Who knows what drivels she did in her high… Yet all memory of last night was gone. It was starting to frustrate her.

“Ugh… for the love of…!” The human sighed defeated. “What happened last night? Last thing I recall from yesterday is asking an acerbic, of all things, asari bartender to refill my glass. Then – nothing. It’s like a blank slate in my mind. I’ve gotten drunk real bad in the past, but this is just ridiculous. There’s no way I lost it like _that_.”

“Long story short – you had consumed an obscene amount of alcohol when Liara, Tali and Garrus found you in _Eternity_. But here comes the twist – you were in the hands of an asari hooker about to… ravish you after giving you heavy drugs.” Karin was good enough to elaborate with minimum yak. Apparently Jane’s recent predicament had become very amusing now that the danger had passed. The good doctor approached her and continued. “So, why don’t you take a seat while I do my work and examine you? You’re clearly already up and running but I say we better be safe than sorry. The others can tell you the whole story in the meantime.”

The following minutes were filled with colourful descriptions by Garrus and Tali, even Liara chipped in here and there with replayed past fury. Laughter filled the whole apartment and an overall airy tone settled among the five old friends. Thankfully, aside from the splitting headache which was already subsiding with Chakwas’ meds, Shepard was alright. No lasting damage was done in the wake of the deadly combination of alcohol and drugs. Credit where it is due to her Cerberus implants.

“Damn… if that isn’t one slip up I won’t ever hear the end of when it gets to Joker’s ears…” Jane’s comment after the end of the tale brought forth another round of laughs.

“Our lips are sealed, commander.” Karin said with a bit too much seriousness to be convincing.

“Yeah, yeah. At least give me some slack for being an emotional mess at the time and don’t bring hell down on me.”

“Is the great Commander Shepard backing off in the face of danger?” Garrus asked smugly.

“Laugh it up, Vakarian, before I start a ship-wide rumour about your mishaps in romantic affairs.” The red-head threw a glance from him to the quarian who twitched for a second before playing all innocent.

“And what do you know of my love life?” The turian asked with confidence which was all bravado.

“More than you think, big guy.”

Garrus’ stunned look at her reply made everyone laugh again.

“Haha… Anyway, come to think of it, there is one thing I remember from last night.”

“Oh, really? And what is it?” Liara asked with curiosity.

Shepard looked her straight in the eyes.

“I was lying on my back staring up. You were leaning above me, smiling at me. I called to you and you said _‘I am here, my love.’_ I thought I had imagined this, or dreamt it. After all, you had been clear in the morning that you no longer loved me. But I see now it wasn’t my mind playing tricks on me for a change. And I’m glad this is what I remember.”

Awkward silence fell in the room while the two lovers exchanged adoring looks.

“Uuugh… well…” Garrus felt embarrassed at the tender display, as did Tali, and wasn’t sure what to do. Thankfully Dr. Chakwas was there.

“Okay, it’s time to go. We’ll be waiting for you on the Normandy, commander.” She turned to the dextros and ushered them to the front door. “Come on, you two. There’s work to be done.”

Thus Shepard and T’Soni were left alone. Liara moved as if to caress the red-head’s cheek but her hand suddenly stopped mid-air and she froze. Jane stepped forward a bit and caught the hanging arm by the wrist. There was uncertainty in her forest gaze when she asked quietly.

“Are you afraid of me?”

Seeing the maiden’s hesitation begot a dark thought in her mind. Despite everything that had been said in the last hour the human couldn’t change what she was now. And that was nothing less than a freak of nature. A creature brought back form the dead, a twisted patchwork of flesh and metal bearing the glowing scars to seal this truth. Of course Liara would be repulsed. Maybe she really couldn’t love this monster in front of her, even if she didn’t realize it yet.

But contrary to her assumptions the asari smiled slightly, understanding in her eyes. Her hand continued its motion and softly traced the orange scar on Jane’s cheek. Her head shook lightly and she spoke.

“I could never be afraid of you, Shepard.”

The red-head sighed peacefully at her reply and closed her eyes. Her hand released the blue wrist and travelled up to cover the hand caressing her. With content she nuzzled in the palm and listened to the wonderful voice of her beloved.

“I am simply humbled by your ability to forgive, your capacity for good. Humbled and eternally grateful that you chose me and continue to choose me of all people.”

It was true. Shepard could have any person she wanted, anyone she fancied. And they would throw themselves at the opportunity, at her, just as the hooker in the bar had. Liara knew that perfectly well and tried with all her might to not get complacent. Jane could be lost to her in many ways and not only by death as it had happened once before. But the human continued to amaze her by remaining completely faithful to her in spite the countless, constant temptations.

“I will always choose you, Liara.”

At that the two shared a delicate kiss. Afterward Shepard sighed with a little disappointment.

“As much as I want to stay with you I have to return to the ship. I have already overstepped the shore leave I assigned. And Miranda is gonna start whining that we’re slacking.”

“I know. You have to do what you came here for. Your mission is too important.”

“Ugh… Why me?! We could’ve been relaxing on a sunny beach while some other unlucky bastard saved the damn world.” Jane said with exasperation and Liara gave her semi-stern look.

“Now you are whining.”

“I’ll have you know that it’s my right as the galaxy’s errand girl.”

They both laughed a bit then the maiden shooed her towards the door heartily.

“Go, before your targets disappear of the face of Illium.”

“Haha, alright, alright, I’m going. Persistent woman. I should’ve run off with the hooker.” Through the mirth the maiden shot a mildly warning stare at her and she raised her hands in surrender. “Joking, just joking.”

“Good.”

“All serious though, thank you for the information.” A warm smile ran between them and with that the commander headed for the exit.

“Wait.”

The human turned back readily, this time with her trademark smirk and without desperation.

“Yeah.”

Barely holding back a grin of her own the maiden spoke.

“It might be preferable if you don’t leave barefoot.”

They both looked down at two bare human feet wriggling their toes. Shepard had forgotten that she left her sneakers in the bedroom to sneak more quietly.

“Right.”

Liara let out small snicker while Shepard went up the stairs with a few large strides. In a matter of seconds the red-head returned having put on her shoes and swift like the wind she gave the asari a peck on the cheek before leaving the apartment. Still gazing at her wake the maiden raised a hand over her heart.

“Go, my love, save the world and come back to me. I will be waiting.”


End file.
